


Heart Song

by silasfinch



Category: Saving Hope (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Children, F/F, First Meetings, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-10-08 17:59:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17391020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: 25/05: Family Hope





	1. Somewhere of Canada

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnNette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnNette/gifts), [0mniessence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/0mniessence/gifts), [ducky7goofy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ducky7goofy/gifts).



> I've wanted to write this AU for ages.  
> Celebrating the end of holidays is a good start.

To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.”  
― Criss Jami, Venus in Arms

The child is refusing to settle.

Dr Sydney Katz is virtually immune to the cries of infants and toddlers. After your 20th or 30th clinic shift infant communication becomes background noise. The OBGYN spends the first seven hours of the flight from Toronto to Alaska putting the finishing touches on her latest Journal article for Canadian Obstetrics, heedless of the fussy toddler in economy class who cried since take off. The situation only becomes a problem when she began to overhear the comments of the fellow passengers, ranging from annoyed to downright scathing towards the single mother in D17. The callousness makes Sydney furious and willing to interrupt her solitude to help. There were some advantages to being a frequent flyer was a platinum airline card.

"Sarah please could you invite the mother and her baby to sit in the seats next to me. Please bring extra towels and some ice water, charge anything additional to my card."

The flight attendant gave her a dubious look and wanted to protest but was without a convincing argument. Technically people can swap seats before takeoff and landing, and a settled baby will make for a much smoother flight.

"Right away, Doctor Katz."

***

Maggie Lin could not catch a break.

Sasha is resisting all attempts at comfort, including the ever-reliable blankie. She can feel the tension in the small body as they try different positions to recapture sleep and contentment. Her daughter is eight months old and recently recovering from an ear infection - its possible the cabin pressure is exacerbating an underlying ache. Sasha flat out refused to sit in either her travel seat or her mother's lap, twisting angrily in frustration after several minutes.

"Come on Sasha - please settle down." Maggie is horrified to feel tears in her eyes and voice.

  
She wasn't assessing the situation as a future doctor but as a young mother getting judgement looks from those around her, complete with useless suggestions and judgements on her parenting skills. Her mother was generous in paying for them to have a holiday at a child-friendly resort before she starts her next placement, but the effort doesn't feel worth it right now.

"Ms Lin..."

"I know she is noisy, but I'm doing my best here, ok" Maggie pleads without looking up to hide her tears.

"One of our passengers has offered you a spare seat next to them in first class. The extra room may make your daughter more comfortable."

 

***

Her new seatmate is a surprise.

Not that Sydney Katz has any particular expectations for this woman from the scant details provoked, distressed single mother. However the slender woman is not only carrying the baby in question but several thick textbooks, her dark bright underneath the exhaustion and embarrassment. She regards Syd with a friendly if slightly bemused smile as they perform the awkward dance to rearrange seating.

"Thank you so much for your generosity; this has been a truly dreadful flight for everybody," Maggie says with a tremendous sigh, subtly wiping at tears.

"Don't take it to heart travelling with a baby is hard work its no reflection on your parenting" Sydney says quickly as she offers a handkerchief.

"I'm Maggie, and this is my daughter Sasha. We are on the way to Alaska for a holiday before a start my next placement" Maggie introduces offering a hand.

"Medical School?" Sydney asks in surprise as she gestures to the textbooks on the tray table.

"I'm about to start my foundation year in Toronto. Single parents can be parents in the 21st century" Maggie offers defensively.

"Oh I know, Sydney Katz - Staff OBGYN at Hope Zion. It's not an easy path, but Canada has some excellent parental employment support. If you need any advice, I'm on one of the advisory panels."

"Maybe my luck is turning around after all."

 

  
***

Sasha enjoys her new set up immensely.

Maggie feels a slight twinge of resentment when her daughter settles into the 'pod' of toys between the two new seatmates without a hint of her earlier temper tantrums. The cabin crew materialise with more wet wipes to cool heated flesh and tear stains. The head flight attendant is surprisingly conciliatory now Sasha is mostly silent. Although this probably has more to do with how intimidating her seatmate is, being the valuable frequent flyer.

Dr Sydney Katz is an excellent conversationalist. Naturally, the first thing they talk about is medicine and the senior doctor display impressive knowledge and professional sympathy. Maggie resolves to look up her journal articles when they land.

Maggie is surprised to realise how the conversation flows onto personal topics, from how she becomes a single parent to Sydney's difficult revelations about her sexuality and enforced holiday.

"I'm not normally like this with the word salad overload " Maggie apologies as she finishes another story from medical school.

"I consider our exchange equal I don't normally spill my personal life at 20 thousand feet."

 

  
***

Her therapist wouldn't approve of this situation.

Sydney therapist was quite firm on the point. The staff OBGYN needs to disconnect from her professional and focus attaining balance other areas of her life. The assistant Rabbi has plenty of experience with high achievers does not expect literal or figurative miracles, only progress. Still resuing a single mother in distress on the way to an interfaith meditation retreat is not what Roberta was envisioning when she suggested the holiday.

She hadn't had such fun in months even if it was exchanging both professional and personal war stories. Casual declarations about her sexuality still feel weird, but it's getting easier to adjust to secular normals.

" You will have woman lining up around the block," Maggie says confidently.

"God no, just one will be quite sufficient. Is it too difficult to find a woman who understands how important faith is to me even if I'm no longer Orthodox? Is it compulsory to be marching in a parade in bright colours? Can I still be an introvert?"

"Ten dates is not a representative sample, Doctor Katz. Don't give up on womankind just yet. Of course, you can be whoever makes you comfortable. There is no formula for being queer any more than there is a perfect doctor."

"Maybe I will find a reformist lawyer who is working to save the Alaskan Wildlife from exploratory mining? My cousin keeps encouraging me to join a dating app" Sydney confesses with an embarrassed smile.

"Maybe you will. In the meantime relax and try not to integrate the poor woman on their life philosophies, not everybody is as driven as medical prodigies with countless articles to her name"

 

***

"Oh Gosh, I'm so sorry."

Maggie is mortified when she jerks awake feeling an unfamiliar lightness where Sasha usually rests. The familiar surge of parental anxiety eases when her daughter blinks sleepily at her from Sydney's lap, playing with what looks like expensive jewellery. She knows from experience that her long, wiggly child is not comfortable to hold lest of all in confined spaces for what could be hours. Thankfully the other doctors had the foresight to remove her glasses and drop her front in a muslin blanket. Her long red hair flows through Sasha's curious fingers. Maggie feels ridiculous jealous of an infant at that moment.

"Don't mention it. Sasha and I were getting to know each other - she is a better conversationalist than many of my students" Sydney whispers batting away Maggie attempts to grab the baby in question.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About three hours - I extracted Sasha an hour ago we did the bottle thing 10 minutes. She will sleep for the rest of the flight." Sydney replies

Maggie feels her heart swell at the satisfied look on both woman and child's faces. Her daughter isn't usually so comfortable with strangers. They are often a happy family of two with significant contribution from the Lin Family and Alex. There is an absolute beauty in seeing the casual intimacy between two strangers from different generations.

 

 

  
***

There are the etiquette guidelines for this situation.

Sydney Katz is working hard to reclaim a new identity as somebody who is both Jewish and a lesbian. The estrangement from her family, friends and former Synnogage is still a fresh wound to her soul. There are no easy fixes or solutions but reconnecting with colleagues from medical school and starting a new job helps to escape the gossip. While her efforts at dating did not result in a long term relationship, she met people and explored her identity with willing teachers.

She hasn't felt such an instant connection to another person since Neshama; such intensity is disconcerting considering they just met midflight to Alaska. Both of them are experiencing crossroads in their lives, is a relationship even worth pursuing?

She needs to make a decision quickly because Maggie is about to be ushered to her original seat for landing. The sensible thing would be to chalk this up to a friendly but fleeting encounter. However, she knows she will regret such a move.

Does anything stop them from being friends and sharing a meditation holiday?

"I know we are doing different things at the resort but here is my number. If you need a babysitter or advance for your exam preparation gives me a text."

"I'd like that very much - Sasha is a fan of both your hair and your story reading skills."

"I live to serve those under the age of 12 months."

 

***

"Do you want to go out for coffee sometime, minus the enforced childcare duties?" Maggie asks nervously.

They are standing in line waiting to go through customs, a much shorter route than economy class.

She isn't a nervous person by nature but becoming a single mother, and a doctor in training presents challenges. Casual relationships and interactions aren't an option when your free time revolves around a child's feeding and sleep schedule. Finding someone attractive is viewed from the prism of motherhood and a future career as a doctor since Gavin and their difficult breakup and his long-distance fatherhood being single seems the easier option. Alex and Jackson maintain that she takes her self imposed exile too far cutting off potential relationships, but she doesn't have sufficient energy or inclination.

This rule is her general life philosophy, till she gets rescued by a brilliant OGBYN during a trip Alaska who simultaneously soothes her daughter and debates the subtler points of fetal medicine. The combination of both admiration and attraction is both intriguing and disconcerting. Alex and Charlie are the great love story in her life; she is the sidekick with casual relationships.

"Hey, looking after young Sasha was the highlight of my trip" Sydney teases with a quick smile.

As she waits for an answer to the question, Maggie feels like she is back in high school waiting for a boy to ask her and not just copy her chemistry homework. The look on Sydney Katz's face is equally challenging to decipher.

"You should know I'm horrible at this" Sydney offers finally adjusting her glasses for the 10th time in an hour.

"Drinking coffee? Caffeine isn't compulsory we can stick to the Green Tea at the resort."

"I wasn't exaggerating when describing the explosion in my personal life, my track record with interpersonal relationships is appalling, and borders on qualifying for some reality TV show. I'm not a candidate for a holiday fling" Sydney warns softly.

"Did you miss the part about me being a bisexual, single mother trying to complete medical school and learn how to be a functional parent. I'm not a shining example of relationship success either. Besides I'm asking to see you again for coffee not assessing your suitability for the next 25 years. Doctors are high achievers, but I don't make decisions that quickly."

Sasha coos in apparent agreement from her position in the baby sling.

"I would like to see you again too - coffee it is."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Opening Parlay

  
_And if you say something that you might even mean_   
_It's hard to even fathom which parts I should believe_   
_Because you're giving me a million reasons_   
_Give me a million reasons_   
_Givin' me a million reasons_   
_About a million reasons_

_I bow down to pray_   
_I try to make the worst seem better_   
_Lord, show me the way_   
_To cut through all his worn out leather_   
_I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away_   
_But baby, I just need one good one to stay_   
_Lady Gaga - Million Reasons_

Maggie needs to stop obsessing about Sydney Katz.

Her mother spends hours researching this resort and all the Alaskan highlights that are baby friendly. Alaska isn't the most logical choice but the timing works before the new job begins and the deal was excellent. This place receives numerous 5-star reviews for their kid-friendly rooms, staff and activities. Sasha is too young for the playdate groups, but her friendly daughter delights in the Mommy & Me Music TIme. The other parents are friendly and helpful - a little community forming around children and relaxing.

For the first time since Sasha's birth, Maggie feels connected to the broader world of motherhood. She makes a mental note to send her mother a daily diary of their adventures as a small thank you. There is more to life than becoming a doctor and moments like these are life-affirming.

Her experience is the exact opposite of Sydney who is at a resort 5 minutes over.

Sydney is attending an interfaith meditation retreat that has strict no children policy and the noisiest activities are African drumming and chanting. Maggie knows this because she Googled the speaker Syd mentions being eager to see. Luckily the retreat isn't overly strict in terms of personal communication and the new friends chat most nights.

Dr Sydney Katz is as advertised during their brief encounter on the plane. A kind compassionate physician who devotes her life to obstetric care. For somebody who claims to have no humour or interpersonal skills, she leaves Maggie smiling more often than not, especially when defending her scrabble word choices.

At the same conversation brings more personality quirks to light, the woman is an enigma wrapped in a riddle. Medicine is the only thing that makes sense. The condition of confidence and shyness is appealing rather than frustrating.

  
***

"Does a sudden desperate desire to debate the merits of Sturips count as a reason for a lunch date?"

"Ok first off there is no debate for those barbaric torture devices, but you don't need an excuse to meet for lunch, Dr Lin."

Maggie laughs at the reply - instinctively knowing that this was the correct opening gabiet. Sydney Katz would be willing to debate the outdated practice for hours, and there is no danger of accidentally stumbling into uncomfortable territory such as feelings.

They agree to meet at the playground and head for lunch at one of the local cafes before Sydney's curfew. They carefully avoid words or the implications of a date, just colleagues meeting to discuss medicine. At the same time, Maggie resolves to tame her hair and wear something from her pre-child wardrobe.

Using your daughter as a wing woman is unethical and troubling on so many levels.

There are entire daytime television shows dedicated to such scandalous topics. Still, Maggie can't bring herself to feel too bad as she dresses Sasha in her blue dress with fluffy clouds that Zach brought her. She is teething so anything that involves uninterrupted time with teething toys in a win in her daughter's book, besides they are meeting at the resort playground.

Its taking her a long time to trust her gut since the breakup with Gavin but meeting Sydney feels right in her bones. The time with Sydney is hardly a tinder date at a bar, but still, she won't be sharing this decision with Single Parents Toronto Facebook Group. Surprisingly even her conversations with Alex avoided topics such as dating, both of them two hurt and focused on Luke and Sasha.

"Are you ready to meet Sydney again, baby girl?"

Sasha grins, and she looks like her mother in miniature. Alex is her namesake, and she lives up the billing with her focus and alertness to the world even at such a young age.

Maggie is still having doubts until Sydney rounds the corner carrying a teddy bear in a tiny labcoat. The other woman is beautiful in a bright blue shirt and dress pants, her long hair in a messy bun. She presents the gift to Sasha seriously and congratulates her on grasping for the toy.

"You have a friend for life I think."

"One can only hope. It is a better day for seeing you both"

  
***

In the rare occasions she tries the process Maggie finds dating as a single parent an odd experience - even the most casual encounters tie to the baby and the babysitting schedule. Flings are out of the question, and any longterm prospect needs to show commitment to not just acceptance of her child. Dating becomes something of a job interview with an entirely new set of parameters to consider. Most people try hard to make a favourable impression by detailing experience with children, nieces or nephews etc. A great statement yet none mentions projectile vomit and diarrhoea at 3 am.

Surprisingly being a bisexual woman is a complicating factor. Few of her old friends from the clubs are ready for the children and find her new life confounding. Their efforts at matchmaking dry up in record time. Maggie Lin is automatically in another demographic, single mum with no discernable social life.

The dismissal would be hurtful if Maggie didn't half agree with the assessment.

Sydney Katz hasn't read the rulebook she takes to Sasha with almost absentminded ease while respecting Maggie parenting boundaries. Playing with her and cooing in sympathy about teeth. Adorably the redhead doesn't believe in baby talk and frequently uses medical language and sophisticated vocabulary. When Sydney spikes a low fever Syd happly walks with Maggie until the medication kicks in.

For all her baby heroics making a good impression seems to be the last thing on the Jewish women's mind. Maggie is subject to a chapter and verse literary of the senior doctor's sins, from slight failings of temperament to fundamental flaws of character. It's not her place to judge, but Maggie feels the Katz's family has allotted to answers, especially when it comes to invoking ancient Jewish curses.

"I am an absolute disaster and a barely functioning human being."

"Would you like me to run away screaming terror? You'll have to do better than that if you simultaneously review my homework while allowing me to nap with a fussy baby."

"Oh, that's nothing. I was just..."

"I'm a single mother struggling to make sense of the term, having a moderate identity crisis and mediocre foundation year as a result. Your support means allot. Also, you don't have a monopoly on struggling with life, hate to break it to you."

  
***

"Is it possible to fall for somebody in roughly 108 Hours?"

Maggie feels ridiculous sending her mother the text. If anything she is usually the reliable entanglement free of the family group. The breakdown of her engagement to Gavin is a rare exception. Grand sweeping passionates are for other people; the sidelines are a comfortable place to be. Feelings for Zach and a casual relationship or two pale in comparison to Hurricane Sydney.

"It took me just about that amount of time to fall for your father."

Her mother's words aren't remotely romantic if anything they are designed to be precisely the opposite. Her parent's passion was the stuff of fairytales, but unfortunately, they were ill-suited, and the acrimonious devoice still scars Maggie and her brother long after their brilliant father's early death. It is only with the birth of Sasha and taking on the responsibility that allows Maggie to see the situation more clearly and avoid the impulse to blame and lionise her parents in turn. Rosemary O'Neal Lin rarely brings up the past and even less so over text.

"If it makes you feel any better Sydney has all the natural charm of a prickly hedgehog, she is doing her best to dissuade me from falling any further."

Maggie proceeds to outline Sydney's situation in broad terms, careful to avoid any identifying details and more bleak disruptions. It feels painful even imagining that level of rejection and heartache.

"Thank you for loving me and accepting me 100% even at my most unconventional" she concludes the text meaning every word.

"Oh, darling. I'm a social liberal from decades back accepting your sexuality was as natural as breathing, I will march in any parade you want with as much pride as with your medical school graduation. Your father would feel the same. We fall in love at a protest rally, and he spent countless hours volunteering at street clinics during the AIDs crisis. You and your brother were the light of his life."

"Wow I didn't know that about the clinics" Maggie offers pauses wiping away a stray tear.

"That's because I acted like a stubborn and prideful fool. Don't let your Sydney do the same make the same mistake. It sounds like the girl needs a friend if nothing else."

  
***

"Would you be willing to concede that you may be wrong and making a basic thinking error of Beck's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy."

"An interesting opening statement for somebody who claims to loathe the fields of psychology and psychiatry" Sydney observes drily.

Sydney is sitting under the shade of giant oak reading a full religious text that has the eloquent Hebrew script. Technically the doctor is on free time from the retreat, but like most doctors, she has an unusual notion of what relaxation means. At the jeans and Oxford shirt borders on casual and Syd is studying outside the sprawling complex. Maggie took a chance when she selects this place for the evening walk with suggestions.

"A good tactician uses whatever weapons are available to them according to Sun Tzu or Dumbledore" Maggie quips almost shyly as she waits for an invitation to sit.

"I'm hardly a prize with fightening for Dr Lin; my encyclopedic medical knowledge blinds you, the sheen will wear off in the end as it always does. Being an out lesbian does nothing to improve my temperament, or so the feedback says"

"Thirty is a little young to be writing off the entire dating pull, even for a medical prodigy," Maggie argues as she sinks to the grass.

It amuses her that Sydney instuctively reaches for the baby without so much as a word, shifting the baby seamlessly to her knee and beginning a conversation about her psychosocial development. Syd's expensive looking keys become a ready teething toy without questions.

"Aaron Beck argues that people are prone to black and white thinking when many relatives can operate simultaneously, no matter how controversial." Maggie begins in a teasing tone.

"I am familiar with the concept Dr Lin." Syd offers drily.

"Therefore you can be a stubborn grump with limited interpersonal skills and experience as well as a brilliant woman deserving love and admiration." Maggie offers patiently.

"Are you trying to woo me with science, Dr Lin?

"Oh, the wooing hasn't even begun this is just the groundwork. Wait till I break out my mad skills and Operation and perfect recall of the current periodic table."

Sydney's delighted laughter feels like a triumph on par with her daughter's first non-gass related smile.

***

"Dr Sandra Kay is giving a lecture on foetal imagining in micro preemies next month."

Maggie looks up from the brightly patterned ring she is waving in Sasha's face, her daughter enjoys this game and can play variations for hours. Alex teases that all the grasping is training for holding a scalpel but as far as Maggie knows the third generation of Lin doctors is a distant dream. Main priorities are affording daycare and fitting studies around a babies' sleep schedule.

Single parenting does recalibrate your perception of the time-space continuum for task allocation. After much pleading from her mother, who reads too much about maternal burnout, Maggie restricts herself to medical reading for two hours a day. The long days of enjoying Sasha and exploring the beautiful grounds are a delight, especially when she rediscovers a podcast or two.

A daunting caseload makes the occasional holiday picnic even enjoyable.

It is tempting to view this spread of excellent food, drink and baby friendly activities as Sydney's attempt to curry favour. Dr Katz is methodical by nature, and Maggie suspects the redhead approaches every task with the same methodicalness no matter how important or mundane. Four types of hummus and three types of cheese is more variety than she's had in a while.

"I wasn't exaggerating about the extent of my medical geekdom. I've known her schedule for weeks. If Alex babysits I'll catch the seminar" Maggie says wistfully.

"She is my old supervisor. We are going out for dinner afterwards, would you like to come with us?

"Are you wooing me with science, Dr Katz?"

"In a clumsy fashion, yes."

Maggie regards her silently trying to convey a question without voicing it.

"Aaron Beck deserves some credit for changing my mind but reading the holy texts for 10 hours a day gives me a fresh perspective on contradictions. Fundamentally God wants his followers to love and embrace life, enriching our souls with experiences and connections. I could be a lesbian in theory, but that would be foolish to miss the opportunity to meet somebody as remarkable as you Maggie Lin."

"Then I accept" Maggie tries no to beam too much.

"In case you were wondering Sasha seals the deal rather than present an obsticle.'

The words are said jokingly, but the sentiment behind them is serious. Sydney hasn't made this declaration lightly and fully understands the implications of starting a courtship.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Defining Reality

  
You live you learn, you love you learn  
You cry you learn, you lose you learn  
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn

  
I, recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone  
I certainly do  
I, recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time  
Feel free

You grieve you learn, you choke you learn  
You laugh you learn, you choose you learn  
You pray you learn, you ask you learn  
You live you learn

  
You'll Learn Alanis Morrisette

 

The frustration and despair of medical students and foundation doctors is a familiar experience for Sydney Katz. Her professional time divides evenly between clinical work and teaching at Morningside Hospital. People with ambitions in medicine are by nature driven and perfectionistic, their reactions to the pressures of early training runs the gauntlet from rage to burnout. Obstetrics is demanding, and Dr Sydney Katz works hard to prepare her rotations for the realities of fragile pregnancies and despairing families, even if this approach doesn't win any teaching awards.

It is a new experience to have a foundation doctor on her doorstep at past midnight. Of course future, Dr Maggie is an exception to many of her rules.

The doctor in question looks the picture of misery standing on her doorstep with tears streaming down her face, the tell-tale combination of exhaustion, too many cases to study and cheap hospital coffee evident in her every movement. Somehow she still looks beautiful in scrubs and a thick puffer jacket. In contrast, Sasha is sleeping peacefully in the carrier at her mother's feet.

"Come in."

Sydney may not have much experience in dealing with emotions in general, but there is a formula for dealing with medical burnout. Every teaching fellow has, but hers involves hot soup, tissues and a harsh reality check about the rigorous of medicine. The last one might be modified on account of Maggie being a diligent and advanced student and the tiny human Sydney bundles into the house...

"There is so much to learn even to contemplate a decent grade. I'm never this far behind in my life- my average is B+ at the moment or the equivalent not to mention practically neglecting my daughter."

"Yes, she looks like the definition of neglected, Dr Lin." Syd snorts sarcastically

"Not really children have their own hierarchy of needs and a more resilient than parents think, even if that includes busy periods. Sasha is one of the most bonded and happy babies I’ve seen in years. As for the other thing its a development stage for all students."

“What?”

“You aren’t the top of the academic anymore and attendings have different expectations in the real world. There is still time to lift your game when it really counts – just don’t expect it to come naturally anymore ”

 

***

Sydney wants more from this relationship, but she doesn't have the language to express these feelings.

Sydney struggles even to name her feelings in all but the general sense, all her formative education about relationships centres around the sacred marriage of a husband and wife, the bedrock of an Orthodox family unit. The Book of Soloman is controversial amongst Rabbis, and the Rabbinic Courts keep to firm conventions for psychosocial development. Just because Sydney works a doctor in the secular work and renounces the more extreme practices doesn't mean she fills the gaps with instruction lesbian instruction manuals.

Sydney wants to confide in Maggie about this confusion, but it will feel too weird. Still, they have insightful discussions about human nature and identity, Maggie is comfortable with her character now, but this took many years and hard reflection.

"There is no set pattern dating woman any more than men. Syd, the secular world is a lot more variable than you think, its not one lifestyle or another"

The truth is they have fallen into a beautiful pattern but not a sustainable one.

During the retreat in Alaska Sydney makes it clear she doesn't want to lose the opportunity to get to know Maggie and Sasha. This first step took all the bravery Syd posses and kissing her new friend in the park makes the vulnerability worth it. Attending lectures, looking after Sasha and sharing Kosher takeout is simply lovely but time is precious between shift work, consulting and labour due dates. There isn't time or energy to discuss relationship development. Syd is too nervous to ask if this arrangement meets Maggie's expectations.

Her state of mind isn't helped by her sisters' commentary on the topic. Their tentative sisterly bond is hanging by a thread. However, Rebecca is trying especially now she has fertility issues. Sydney tries not resent that her profession is a deciding factor.

Rebecca even meets Maggie and the rest of the hospital staff on occasion. The look in her eyes gets more hostile with every passing meeting.

"You blew up our lives for a quilting circle with more touching."

"Did you expect me to wave flags and kiss a random woman in front of you?" the Hebrew sounds harsh and grating

"It's true - you look like a cousin at lunch in study hall - is all the sacrifice worth it for the old handheld. You know that mother is still unable to attend most social events?"

"It's not that.."

Sydney cannot formulate a satisfactory reply before her sister storms off angrily muttering. Instead of putting Rebecca at ease seeing her new life makes the older Katz sister furious.

 

  
***

"Quit messing with Maggie's head."

Sydney recognises Dr Alex Reid from the many photos in Maggie's apartment; the best friends are exceptionally close after having children of similar ages. Alex is a brilliant surgeon dealing with family stress and a gravely ill fiancee. She tentatively asks if there were romantic feelings between them, Maggie laughs and assures that Alex is arrow straight and feelings never develop. The platonic nature of the relationship doesn't make this conversation any easier to contemplate.

"Dr Reid I presume?"

The taller doctor is pacing the narrow confines of the OBGYN office looking sad and anxious, the fact Sydney usually works through lunch is common knowledge now that Maggie is feeding her regularly, Alex is holding the familiar paper bag.

"Look Maggie will kill me if she knew I was here talking to you, however as her best friend I feel the need to say something."

"Of course, please take a seat, would you like some tea?"

"Maggie always played second fiddle to Gavin's issues and the few men before that. She doesn't conceptualise it some way, talking about her faults but its the truth. For a psychiatrist, Gavin is lousing attending relationship either romantic or parent. The decay of that relationship during pregnancy was devastating especially when she spent so much time caring for Me, Charlie and Luke."

"You think I am doing that to her?"

"Not on purpose but the pattern is easy enough to repeat."

  
***

"I don't want to disappoint you."

Sydney Katz winces at the blurted confession and feels her pale cheeks flush in the fresh evening air. They are taking Sasha to a children's music event and food truck night. Baby Lin is too young for the entertainment, but she is at the stage of enjoying playing with food and following bright shapes and sounds. Hope Zion Hospital was putting on a fundraiser for the Oncology Outreach Programme.

The evening is enjoyable and friendly; Maggie is having a blast talking to the vendors and trying a wide variety of noodles. Fortunately, there is a Kosher Vendor who attends all these events since his grandaughter's diagnosis with leukaemia; he keeps Syd plate full.

"mmm?"

Maggie is shovelling a comical amount of noddles with her chopsticks having just finished a long shift. Public fundraising space is a strange place for a formally Orthodox Jewish woman to confess, but Sydney doubts her courage will last when they return to her apartment.

"Alex came to see me today concerned that I was 'messing with your head' with some Victorian notion of 'Passionate Friendship' that puts unfair expectations on you and manipulates feelings."

"She shouldn't have interfered I.."

"Of course she should Alex Reid is your best friend and very protective of her honorary niece. My situation might be more dramatic, but that doesn't make your feelings any less valid."

"You aren't disappointing me or failing to meet my expectations. I don't know where Alex got the idea that we were on some timetable." Maggie begins

"Yes but subconsciously or not I have taken advantage of your love of medicine and career path- our time together is well within my comfort zone- discussing science, spending time with a baby and mentoring you through exams. I may not be comfortable with all aspects of queer identity, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't communicate how much I care in unambiguous terms."

"How do you feel, unambiguously?"

Sydney takes a deep breath trying to steady the racing of her heart. This answer feels like one of those seminal moments that will define her life for years to come.

"I want to fall asleep with you and wake to feed Sasha breakfast and coo over her latest milestones. The safe zone with you is glorious about it's like seeing a rainbow with half the colours missing, beautiful but incomplete."

"Interesting metaphor, Dr Katz."

There is only a second of hesitation before Sydney reaches out to kiss Maggie tasting the noddles and spice on her lips. Everybody at the event can see them, but suddenly that feels far less important than reassuring Maggie of her worth.

  
***

"Breathing helps."

Sydney forces a smile as she lets out a shaky breath shooting Maggie and grateful look. Somehow this situation feels impossibly real even though they are both still in clothes and at opposite ends of the coach. Syd is starting to feel like a lesbian virgin on her first date. In a way she is, the fumbles with shame and conflict do not count. Syd's 'coming out' was painful and confusing, more theoretical than practical. Her first partners were kind, but her sexual encounters were not successful. The memories are humiliating but wound her pride more than her soul; it's different with Maggie and how she cares about this relationship.

"I'm bad at this"

The words are too simple for the intricate weaving of memory, motivation and mechanics but its the best Sydney can summon in the quiet of the room. It grates on Syd's nerves to consistently voice her doubts and uncertainties, so different from her childhood and young adulthood where stoicism is a prime virtue. Maggie makes this emotional intimacy so comfortable and safe. The idea of losing this friend by being a lover is moderately terrifying; The Lins have an essential place in her heart.

"Yeah maybe but I won't be passing out a grade, it does' t matter what we do or don't it's entirely up to you. We don't expect beginners to be perfect at anything but sex in the literature; perfection is a physiological impossibility, ignore the books. Talking and keeping up communication is the most important thing."

On anyone else, the words would sound patronising like a health class special, but Maggie makes the words seem natural.

"Don't say that I'll revert to solving chess problems and finding ways for you to edit my latest journal articles." Sydney cautions

"How about this? I'll kiss you, and we can take it from there, add some colours to your perverbal rainbow."

Sydney doesn't even recognise this version of, Maggie who was an insecure junior doctor mere weeks ago, or her reaction to the change. Her friend is beautiful and seductive; moving with the sort of languid grace from romance novels. The look in her dark eyes says that pleasing Sydney is her single objective for the next 12 hours. Syd feels her nerves dance in an overwhelming mixture of desire, fear and sincere appreciation.

The kiss is slow and tender without any self-consciousness. Maggie frames her face and trails her cheekbone with the light calisis all doctors develop. Her lips are demanding but not overwhelming as she neatly frees Syd's hair from its habitual ponytail. Sydney feels boneless but tries to mimic her actions with varying levels of success.

 

 


	4. Family Hope

  
"So you get to play happy families while destroying mine?"

Maggie blinks in surprise at the small woman who is currently lurking outside the door of Sydney's apartment. The Katz family resemblance is obvious, but the levels of hostility still take the junior doctor by surprise. Until this point, the levels of hatred that Syd faces is a mostly abstract concept with no reference points beyond dry humour and sad stories. The situation feels all too real as her girlfriend becomes unnaturally still at her sides arms wrapping tightly around Sasha, both giving and receiving comfort from the touch.

"Why are you outside my door on a Friday, Becca? Is insulting me truly worth serving a dry Shabbat dinner?

There is a brief mixture of something between anguish and pain on Rebecca's face before the expression vanishes behind a blank scowl. Maggie has the distinct impression that on the doorstep of her exiled sister is the last place, Rebecca Freeman wants to be, and there is a short list of reasons to break the taboo.

"You gave up the right to care about our traditions the second you left, even though Mum still believes you make the better strudel, something to do with the eggs."

Sasha begins to fuss before demanding attention from Sydney by yanking painfully on her loose hair and sucking on an errand strand instead of an actual pacifier. Becca glares at the scene, but her eyes stay fixed on the baby.

"DId Sydney tell you she broke Hershel's heart? Don't think having a child will take precedence over a bright career even if you are the right gender. She didn't even leave the hospital for our Saba's funeral."

"I..."

Sydney's stuttering is not only uncharacteristic but reminders Maggie of the weaker kids at school who couldn't find the words against insults. There was a trace of tears beneath her glasses that even Sasha couldn't help sooth that hurt.

"Don't mention my kid or insult my girlfriend. Aside from anything, it wouldn't look good for a good Orthodox woman to be held up on noise complaint, would it? The manager of the complex adores Syd and noise control is strict."

***

"I want to speak to my sister alone."

Rebecca Freedman issues the command while surviving the apartment as if looking for evidence of a crime, heathenism or overt displays of rainbow flags which may amount to the same thing in her eyes. There is a rigidity with which holds herself that speaks to extreme discomfort and uncertainty even with the layers of traditional clothing. What bothers Maggie the most is how her usually assertive and prideful girlfriend shrinks with every silent judgement.

"You don't claim a familial relationship and disown your sister at the same time. Besides Sydney deserves a friend in this fight whatever your religion believes"

Maggie wants to stand between Sydney and her sister as if to create a physical barrier will stop that hurt, but she doesn't want to become too overt. Her parents' divorce was an object lesson in how futile physically preventing arguments was as a tactic.

"If I attended the service mother would have thrown me out. The Katz family doesn't need any more spectacles at Temple, isn't that would you said?

"You still should have tried!"

In that instinct, Maggie gains an insight into Becca Freeman. She feels torn between the warring impulses of beliefs and missing her sister. As unfair as it is, she wants Sydney to keep battling for crumbs of their affection even if there is a minimal reward.

"I haven't joined the Mission to Mars Becca, nor did anyone say a formal Shiva, communication goes both ways or is that only true when you need my expertise?" Syd snaps angrily

 

***

"You don't carry your Morningside medical records just for fun."

Sydney probes gently when the silence stretches into double digits and Rebecca drinks a second tea with white knuckles and a deep scowl. The Katz sisters are equally stubborn, and Maggie isn't sure how long this standoff while last now that Sasha isn't there to act as a buffering or talking point.

"Samual and I lost another baby, and he doesn't want to try again without consulting you" Rebecca whispers without looking up.

Despite her mixed feelings, Maggie feels a wave of empathy for the other woman. Multiple miscarriages can take an enormous physical and emotional toll on any woman much less a family from a traditional society that values the presence of children and lineages so highly.

"Oh, Becca - I'm so sorry."

"14 weeks this time longer than the rest. Samual was desperate to put up the ultrasound photo, but I refused to let it leave the envelope. The picture is still in his wallet despite what the scriptures say."

"You are under the care of Nikalos Albright. There are few better in the province, but I will review the files for you. Please drink your tea; you need the energy to aid recovery."

***

"Can you help? or were those articles wrong about you being a miracle worker?" the term is more of an insult than a compliment

"Even miracle workers need time to review medical records, and Nikolas isn't the most communicative of specialists in the field" Sydney mutters never looking up from the paperwork.

Thankfully Dr Sydney Katz is too absorbed in the medical file to hear the insult in the tone but Maggie does, and it stings. Their relationship is still new, and it isn't her place to fly into the full overprotective mode and demand a different outcome. The boundaries were already stretching when she insists on staying in the room. All the adjectives swirling in her mind feel inappropriate at least until she whispers them to her lover first.

"I am sorry for what I said about your daughter. She is beautiful and the spitting image of you" Becca offers softly.

"Thanks, but I think she looks more like my dad who died when we were young, so its a nice genetic legacy."

***

"I wasn't exaggerating just to be a bitch; our family is fracturing beyond repair."

Maggie and Rebbeca are sitting together in uncomfortable silence while Sydney makes possible dozens of phone calls to different specialists from across the country. They both know the woman in the other room well enough to guarantee Rebecca won't leave here without a game plan.

"From what I can see she has recovered from the disruption just fine complete with instant family" Rebecca hisses

"You are judging her pain by the appearances only. Do you honestly think Syd decided to come up lightly? That she doesn't miss you and the community?" She left Hershel because he deserves a genuine marriage, not on a whim or flight of fancy."

"It doesn't make sense this whole thing."

"and there is no way I can explain the intricacies of sexual identity in a way that will make sense if you aren't willing to listen to numerous Rabbis on the topic."

"A line of Reformist Rabbis, no doubt."

Sydney explains once that people and groups tend to cling tightly to the teaching of a particular Rabbi over another even if there is a dispute over the finer points of scripture.

"There are a few conservative voices if you choose to look as well. Diversity is becoming a central discussion point in many places."

"Trying to be the perfect partner to a Jewish woman?"

"Hoping to be a steadfast companion to Sydney Katz which amounts to the same reality in the end."

  
***

"Thank you for defending my honour; it was very gallant of you unnecessary but gallant.

Maggie looks up from the vegetable mash that Sasha is mouthing more than eating. Sydney is leaning on the doorframe of her spare room that is progressively acquiring more baby things.

As predicted, Rebecca left several hours later with a whole calendar full of appointments and tests. Sydney patiently explains what each test means and likely waiting times. To her credit, Rebecca does appear genuinely appreciative and does not hesitate to pull her sister into a hug.

"I meant what I said you deserve somebody in your corner."

"You know I think you and Sasha are singularly responsible for restoring my faith in people; I was well on my way to becoming a cynical reclusive any one of my students and disastrous attempts at dates will attest to that."

"I don't believe it - you are far too wonderful to play a Grinch, somebody would notice that sooner or later."

"Nevertheless, you are my not so Hanakah Miricle," Sydney says before placing a gentle kiss on both heads.

" It's not me being gay that Rebecca is so torn up about, I wasn't precisely discrete in my admiration for classmates, the curse of this alabaster skin. She is distraught that the love of our family wasn't enough to keep me in the closest."

"It's so wrong."

"To the liberal daughter of academics perhaps but not to a woman who sought no greater horizon that continuing a long line of traditional values and expectations."

  
***

"What are you thinking about?"

Maggie turns at the sleepy question vaguely surprised that Sydney is still awake. Today was a long and confronting one both physically and emotionally. Sydney was close to falling asleep in her salad and barely stumbles to bed. Maggie was sure she had the night time hours alone with her thoughts.

"Hedi, my dad's third mistress."

"Well, that is an interesting non-sequitur; please continue."

"He died when we were young, but my brother and I were old enough to understand about, know and even like so of his girlfriends. Hedi was and hopefully still is a general surgeon who never got over the shame of being just another Lin conquest. I never understood her reality until today with Rebecca."

"I don't see the correlation."

"Hedi didn't have any defence against their judgements or even language. I wanted to counter Becca's arguments so badly, but every rational argument feels useless. Hedi was more than the other woman, but that became the single feature of her identity in a place she loved. It's not a perfect analogy, but the memory struck, that's all."

"A parallel situation or not these aren't suitable thoughts for 2 pm Maggie try and sleep. Your shift is going to be brutal tomorrow. You did everything you could to defend me; it means a great deal."

"It's not new, and it's not your job to win the arguments that are centuries old, contradictory and Orthodox."

"I will try if you let me."

  
***

"You don't need to come up with any code names. Strangely enough, my sister can't lie to save herself."

Maggie blinks in surprise at the text on her phone. She gave Rebecca her number mainly as a backup in case Sydney was in surgery, never expecting a casual text.

"She would do it if you ask her to, despite what you may think your sister is devoted to family."

"It wouldn't be fair. There are only so many specialists in the field, aren't there. My new OBGYN is particularly getting ready to write sonnets about her surgical approaches."

Maggie hesitates before sending the next message, knowing she is treading on dangerous ground.

"Please try and remember your sister is still everything you loved aside from this one part of her identity. Your husband and future children deserve to know her beyond rumours and gossip."

Maggie distracts herself from the lack of reply by surveying the contents of Sydney's fridge. While she defies the cliche of an unhealthy doctor, the food is almost at an extreme in the opposite direction. Everything is a nutritionist's ideal right down to the serving portions. The contrast is a little strange given how elaborately Dr Katz cooks for her.

She is just dividing the ingredient for some Zucchini fritters when her phone dines, and Rebecca's name appears.

"Don't trip over your idealism Dr Lin; it's not a simple matter of acceptance and understanding, and this isn't a made for TV movie, but I will try."

 


	5. The Stages

  
"Is there any hope?"

Sydney Katz faces versions of this question nearly every week in her professional life. This fact is an inevitable consequence of choosing to specialise in the area of high-risk OBGYN, and fetal surgery makes the constant search for hope, against the odds, against the odds an occupational hazard. As she becomes an expert in the different techniques, it becomes equally cr to understand how to walk the type rope of realism and hope. The ability to communicate these problematic realities to people, who are desperate for their pregnancies to reach full term, is one of her most fundamental teaching grades for her students.

However, when she tries to comfort her sister, none of the carefully prepared scripts works on the woman who was her closest childhood confident but a near-stranger in adulthood. Sydney Katz doesn't feel like a medical professional in this situation, nor is she a family member, even as she serves a light lunch of Becca's favourites.   
  
""There is always hope and faith Becca." Syd offers gently

" I didn't come to you for information that is found in any Yeshiva classroom, Sydney." Becca snaps angrily

Sydney struggles not to react to the harsh tone from her typically mild-mannered sister. Becca is trying to engage with her on a deeper level, they are sharing regular lunches between fertility appointments. Maggie comes along more often than not, severing as an unofficial bodyguard.

“We don’t know enough about infertility to offer any definitive answers but there are steps we can take before you try again” Sydney wishes she could offer more.

“I am failing at what God put me here to be Sydney and Samual just wants me to give up”

Sydney winces at the stubbornness in her sister’s expression. She didn’t know her brother in law that well but feels for his torment.

“I will run through the different scenarios with him if he wants to get a different perspective”

Rebecca does not meet her gaze as she firmly shakes her head.

 

  
**Moments of Denial**

"Will you pray with me? We are not too late to attend services."

"You know I cannot do that, Sydney" Becca sounds close to genuinely regretful but adamant in her decision.

Sydney knows the reasons for the decision, but it doesn't make the rejection hurt any less, especially when she works so hard to find an accepting Synnogoge. People within the Orthodox communities revere their spiritual leaders and attending another person's services is considered anything from a social faux pas to a downright sin and violation. The Freedmen's grew up with the same Rabbi and see no reason to change in the face of family divisions.

"Your faith is not my faith any more, Sydney. There is no middle ground anywhere."

"Even when your cursed sister is working to save your fertility? Am I only good for the occasional lunch from prying eyes when Mom and Dad are on retreat?

Sydney shoves her plate aside not caring that is both a waste of food and an insult to their time together as Jewish woman irrespective of familial bonds. Becca doesn't react to the words but her eyes a still red from crying.

"Can you answer something honestly for me, Becca?"

"I can try."

“Would you be here at all if I went for my second career option and studied to be a librarian instead of a doctor in the area of high risk pregnancy. Is this reconciliation feet of opportunity and obligation?”

“Needing a motivating factor doesn’t make time together false. There is a hole in my life that nobody else can fill” Becca offers stiffly

“But it is my profession that makes the risk worthwhile?”

“Why do the particulars matter so much. Healing is your gift form God”

“Because I cannot meet the conditions of such love – loosing you all once was hard enough”

Rebecca doesn’t have the words to call her sister back.

 

**Moments of Anger**

" Is my sister here with you?"

Maggie feels her heart sink with dread at the appearance of Rebecca Friedman at her door. The sisters were progressing well in the last few weeks as Sydney plays catch up with Dr Nikalos Albright and develops a new possible treatment plan and preventative measures. Nothing is guaranteed in the area of infertility, but Becca seems to respond well to her sister acting as translator.

None of that progress is on the show today, and Becca is hunching angrily, and her fists clench at her sides.

“Sydney planned to spend the whole day with you. We were only due to meet in the morning for breakfast” Maggie offers cautiously

“I said some things that upset her and need to make things right before heading home. She is taking my words out of context just like when we were kids”

“Is she the only one guilty of such a misunderstanding?”

“Of course not Sydney and I haven’t spoken the same language in decades- I’m trying here Dr. Lin”

Maggie is already bundling Sasha into her stroller and offering suggestions for likely places they can try before truly starting to worry.

Rebecca blinks in surprise as Maggie hands over the stroller and begins typing directions into her phone. Sasha grins at at this new person as she bats the mobile toys

 

  
**Moments of Bargaining**

"So, is she right, is Syd the Librarian as valuable as Sydney, the superstar doctor? Is that the reason your parents held off on saying the death rights, as an insurance policy?"

"Don't be crude about things you don't understand."

"I could say the same about you."

Maggie is retracing any places within walking distance that Sydney is likely to use as an escape, given that her car is still at the house. Truthfully she would prefer to search alone, but she isn't about to leave a vulnerable woman wandering unfamiliar streets.

“Sydney is my one shot at nqvagating the minefield that is trying for a baby without loosing my husband. I will do what it takes to offer her respect and trust”

Rebecca tries not to wince as they enter a cafe that is playing soft rock music and neon hairstyles on display. In one corner somebody is singing Hebrew songs in a strange quartet.

“She will settle for your love, Becca nothing more. There are many willing to offer her respect and trust”

“Have you nominated yourself president of her fan club?”

“Sasha and I share the role for now”

**Moments of Depression**

"You prefer to view the world in black and white, try this one on, either love your sister or reject her outright. She isn't going to be a miracle worker, nobody can claim such rights under these circumstances. Syd can serve the role of a medical alley in your life and fiercest champion but not as a second class citizen."

"You presume to allot for somebody who has been dating my sister a matter of months."

"Evidently I see more value in Sydney than you do after a lifetime of knowing her"

Rebbecca doesn’t have an immediate comeback to that observation and for once she doesn’t want to argue the finer of theology.

“Sydney isn’t the first in our community to push the limits of understanding. I will always love my sister”

“Then please tell her that as often as you can while limiting the condemnation of who she is as a person, ignore me if wish but don’t ignore her”

“I will do my best going forward, Maggie”

Rebecca cannot offer any further reassurances to this woman who is still a virtual stronger who doesn’t speak Hebrew but claims the rights of a supose.

 

**Moments Acceptance**

"Does that look like somebody who is bringing shame to your family name?"

Maggie whispers the comment as they creep into the reading room of the local medical library. Thankfully Sasha is sound asleep and doesn't raise too much ire from medical students and graduates. The doctor they spend the better part of the day looking for is sleeping on a pile of textbooks. Copies of Rebecca's medical records are in neat piles and carefully highlighted.

“What is she doing?”’

“She is comparing your casefile against both online and textbook references. You never know where inspiration can strike. Medicine isn’t all about science and facts. Sometimes there is a a detective mystery at the heart of things. Nobody matches your sister for dedication and determination”

Almost absentmindedly Rebecca gently pulls the books and papers away. The simple action brings back memories of trying to keep Sydney from completely burning out in high school.

“What are doing here, Becca”

“ Stopping you from drooling on textbooks and cracking your glasses again. The fines at a place like this are steep”

“I’ll head out in an hour or so. There is a fascinating study on immune responses in..”

“There is nothing that cannot wait until both Katz sisters and my daughter have some sleep. I’ve already made copies the top twenty on your list”

As if to seal the agreement Maggie gently hands over her daughter, tucking the patchwork blanket securely before shepherding her charges towards the exit.

“You can’t uses your baby as a bribery tool forever Maggie. My future niece or nephew will offer a stiff competition” Sasha jokes.

Rebecca thinks the way that her sister is cradling this particular child speaks to the lie of that statement. Becca knows that these two woman look unquestioningly like a couple bu she tries not to finch at the association. Her actions might be considered brave if her stand wasn’t so far from any possible scrutiny.

“Sasha can handle the introduction of the next children of Katz”

Rebecca suspects she is the only who notices how far in the future they are talking. Her sister would marry Maggie and adopt Sasha tomorrow if that was a realistic possibility.

Samual will meet with his sister in law soon. He needs this voice in their despair.

 

***

"I will cook for you."

Sydney blinks in surprise at Rebecca unexpected proclamation. Her sister is sincerely apologetic on the way back from the library but escaping uncomfortable situations is the Katz MO. They have reached their limit for awkward interactions even with Sasha there to fuss over and offer a suitable distraction.

All Sydney wants to do is curl up in bed and watch crappy Israeli soap operas and forget the day. Maggie will take Sasha home in preparation for her weekend with Gavin, and mindless TV is in order if her favourite girls can't stay.

Maggie offers her a tender smile and a hand squeeze before moving to bundle Sasha in her winter coat.

“Text me when Gavin leaves. Thank you for helping with everything” Sydney instructs as she leads Maggie to the door.

Rebecca hurries over holding Sasha’a favourite teddy bear that has the wear and tear to proof it’s status.

  
"You don't need to do this Becca, I'm sure Samual will expect you home soon. We can continue our discussion tomorrow when there are more results to go through."

"My husband knows where I am and the importance of our meetings."

"There is no guarantee..." Sydney says for what feels like the 10th time.

"That I will have a baby, and there is no guarantee, I will find the courage to acknowledge you openly. I am not willing to lose my sister to route learning, The least you deserve is a reckoning of my Faith" Rebecca replies firmly.

Sydney is too weary to offer much of a comeback. The idea of a home cooked Jewish meal is almost enough to bring tears to eyes.

This won’t solve everything or anything but the hug that Becca offers feels profoundly comforting.

Just like when they were children the sisters fell asleep together after saying prayers privately at opposite ends of the couch.

Rebbeca doesn’t move her hand away when Sydney interlaces their fingers underneath the quilt from their grandmother made.

.


End file.
